I love these:
Dear Dr. Insert Name Here
I am introducing myself as Prof. Somebody, Head ,Division of Bioinformatics, A. University, A., TN, India. I am going to organize an International Symposium on Bioinformatics and systems Biology on 16-17 Feb 2011. I noted your valuable papers in reputed journals and contribution to Bioinformatics. Our university is located 200kms away from Chennai international Airport. which is one of the historical place has a famous Natraj temple ie 2000 years old. Chidambaram town is surrounded by many historical monuments of Chola king. I will provide a conveyance from airport and sight seeing and good hospitality .I will provide to you a separate air conditioned car for the whole programme and sight seeing. I invite you on behalf of organizing committee to deliver a special lecture on any one day of your convenience. I request you to permit us to include your name in the expert committee of the conference.
Expecting your favourable reply
with kind regards
a) I ain’t no “Dr.” I work for a living.
b) Papers? Seriously? I’ve put one-page non-reviewed crap in a trade magazine – perhaps 12 times in the past 6 years. My last peer reviewed “publication” was a courtesy authorship in 2004. The last paper I actually wrote happened in 1999 or so – and was about as far from bioinformatics as it’s possible to get.
c) 200km away from Chennai? Um, suddenly I’m kinda interested. Can I bring my wife? For valentine’s day?